Honesty & A New Challenge

I will be completely honest; the last few months have been extremely tough for me mentally.

I was probably just about getting by last year when the pandemic first broke. It wasn't easy to adjust to working from home, the kids being home and a new baby in the house but the sun was out mostly and it was a novelty.

Then the kids went back to school, bringing with it a new set of challenges - namely walking the 4 miles to and from school twice a day, but the exercise was welcome and again it was manageable.

However, when the schools closed again and this time they were expected to work from home too, it was much tougher. Trying to concentrate on work when they both needed either assistance or inspiration or mostly motivation was really hard. This was added to a baby who had learned to walk and was attempting to climb onto everything and pull down everything within his (very long) reach.

Added to this, the kids were missing their friends and were tired of being tied to the house with us and each other (especially being jealous of baby brother) - and the weather was really crappy too. It has been extremely intense.

I had hoped that the return to school would improve things, but the kids are still exhausted of being at home at weekends and evenings that they are still really difficult to parent and things remain intense. I think if my mental health was in a good state to begin with, then things might not feel so hard now, but my mental health has never been great.

I have always suffered from low self esteem and anxiety related to that, so that, especially when the schools closed a second time, I was trying to be there for everyone else and feeling bad that I couldn't. I felt that I needed to be working, helping the kids home-school, looking after the baby, helping my wife with home chores...and to be honest I am probably close to burn out now...My wife thinks I'm already there.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to read, but I've found it impossible to sit down with a book and not been able to relax at all. It's also made it impossible to be creative. The best I have managed is an adult sticker book, but even that has been too much at times.

Coming to terms with all this has been difficult, but it has helped to admit it. I have requested professional help, and I have also come across a NaPoWriMo challenge which I plan to do during April. The fact that it comes with prompts will hopefully help as I am short of ideas right now, but at least it will be an opportunity to put thoughts elsewhere, even for a short while.

So look out for some new poems coming in April.

Thanks for reading this long, and honest post.

Take care & stay safe.